Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Things I Will Refuse To Do When I'm Pregnant

Found here. PS never type "prego" into google. EVER.

DISCLAIMER: This is not an announcement, despite the rumors that arise every now and then.

After reading a lot of blogs lately, I feel like everyone and their mom is pregnant. I'm really not jealous... okay, well part of me is, but right now I am focusing on my bachelors degree. Kill me. AND it is not the right time... Kill us?

Anyways... I digress...

The reason for this post is to make a general list of all of the things pregnant women say that kind of freak me out.

The Top 5 Things Pregnant Women Say That They Shouldn't

Prego... okay people. Prego is an overpriced jar of tomato sauce, not another nickname for your current state of reproduction.

Pregs. What is that? Sounds way too close to the word pegs. YOU ARE PREGNANT PEOPLE. Say it with me... PREGNANT.

Tum-Tum. I'm sorry, just because you are carrying a child does not mean you have to talk like one.

Wee-One. Okay when you call your unborn baby "wee-one." I think of midgets, not fetuses.


The Sickness. Initially, I thought this was a one woman effort. Then I began hearing it in multiple location around the blogosphere and in Rexburg. You experience morning sickness, not the sickness. When you say "the sickness" I think of typhoid fever not the unfortunate side effect your pregnancy. Plus, it is really awkward when no one knows your pregnant, they just think you are chubby and you say "Oh boy, the sickness is coming on." Part of me thinks, "Run! She's gonna explode!" The other part of me thinks, "This lady is nutso."

The Top Three Things Pregnant Women Do That They Shouldn't

Make others touch their belly. Very rarely do I want to feel someone else's baby kick. In fact it has occurred twice in my life. Once was my baby sister.

Describe in detail how they are unable to have a normal bowel movement cycle. One syllable for you... EW. I have 8 people in my life who I am willing to discuss how that whole thing is going. 5 are family and the other is a freaky awesome friendship that I have with three different girls. We talk about everything. Honestly, when I'm reading your blog, which used to be about fashion, I REALLY do not care to read about how when you poop it is an accomplishment.

Use the excuse of "eating for two." Correction, you are eating for one and a very small fetus. Honestly, you only need about 500 extra calories a day to sustain the baby in the last trimester, NOT THE FIRST. Don't make me hate you because you are bragging about the extra burger, fries, and Dr. Pepper you got to have because you are "eating for two."

That is all for now.

Noelle, if you are reading this I love you dearly and it is not about you. Haha. I will gladly touch your bump or laugh about the weird things that happen to your body every day until baby boy is born.

Now really, that is all.


1 comment:

  1. Haha Evi I love this! HIlarious! And AMEN to all of it!!